


my bones have found a place to lie down (and sleep)

by thelittleone



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, Pining, references to the inheritance ceremony arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 14:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittleone/pseuds/thelittleone
Summary: Suddenly, he ached for more nights like this. The two of them sharing the same space, the sounds of the city as a background, the strange intimacy of the early hours of the morning. Talking about trivial things. Hibari Kyoya’s eyes over him. The knowledge of mundane tidbits of his life. The privilege of monopolizing his attention.The desire almost knocked the wind out of him.“Hibari, why did you come?”





	my bones have found a place to lie down (and sleep)

_i._

There were two truths that ruled Sawada Tsunayoshi’s life, as undeniable as the laws of physics, as constant as the orbit the earth does around the sun.

  1. He was in love with Hibari Kyoya.
  2. If it was in his power, he would never tell him.



In a certain way, there were vows quite easy to follow. He never stayed for long, after all. Sometimes Tsunayoshi wouldn’t know if he was even alive for months. He knew this. Tsunayoshi accepted this.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.

He didn’t know when exactly he had noticed his feelings. Maybe when he was 14, disoriented and terrified in a world that was not his own but would be, nevertheless. The relief, the way his heart _lifted_ when he saw him, it couldn’t be normal. But it had happened in the middle of the end of the world, as these things tended to occur to him. So, of course he didn’t notice.

He could pinpoint more accurately the start of _something_ during the battles with the Simon family. It hadn’t been affection, not even infatuation. It had been longing. But not for Hibari Kyoya. He wanted to be the person Hibari saw when he looked at him.

It had been oddly reassuring and at the same time terrifying; to know that the Cloud guardian actually found potential in him.

He wanted to believe in himself.

It had all kind of spiralled from there. Even if normalcy had finally settled in their lives, it was like the axis of his being had shifted. A gakuran was always in his line of sight. Whenever he lost at hand to hand combat he felt the urge to get better, to train harder. By third year he was even getting the best grades in Universal History. Maybe the biggest feat of them all.

Whatever that ultimately bloomed into this had ignited in his first year at college. Political Sciences was a career as daunting as it sounded. But even then, Tsunayoshi trudged on. He needed it if he wanted to become the leader he thought he could be to protect his Famiglia. He had always tried to rely on words more than on his fists, after all.

He had come back from a study session gone too long. He had missed the last train and had to walk home. His head felt heavy with a different type of exhaustion. He inserted the keys in his door’s lock and then, he felt it. A familiar shiver, a foreboding feeling. In one swift movement he slipped his gloves on and opened the door, his palm extended in front of him.

“Oh, I see you still keep your wits about you.”

It was embarrassing how quickly he had recognized that voice. “Hibari?”

He turned the lights on. Hibari Kyoya was sitting on the counter of his kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest, one hand playing idly with a tonfa.

“Welcome back, Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

He inhaled sharply, suddenly dizzy. “I–I’m home.”

He closed the door behind him. Hibari was wearing a black suit that made his long legs seem endless. The shirt was buttoned all the way up, a slim dark tie around his neck. Tsunayoshi felt winded, like Hibari himself had punched him squarely in the chest with one of his weapons.

He looked like his future self and at the same time he didn’t.

“What are you doing here, Hibari?”

His frown was more pronounced, for example.

“You’re not gonna offer me tea? Where are your manners?”

Future Hibari always carefully masked his emotions. He was completely unreadable.

“Well, you almost gave me a heart attack, of course I’d forget any kind of hospitality,” but he left his bag by the rack at the entrance, unceremoniously took his shoes off and walked towards the kitchen. Hibari didn’t move, apparently content with observing Tsunayoshi put on the kettle, search for a set of mugs. He felt his gaze like a physical touch, following the line of his neck, the width of his shoulders. Assessing.

Probably wondering if he was worth his time.

Tsunayoshi whirled around, his hands behind his back. He met violet eyes. Felt his heart trying to leap out of his chest. God.

“Did Dino send you?”

Hibari’s frown deepened.

“Reborn?”

“Nobody sent me, I had business in Tokyo.”

His voice was calm, but barely so. The storm could come any minute now. Tsunayoshi wondered if the electricity thrumming through his veins was fear or excitement. Probably a bit of both.

Thin lips dropped a fraction. Tsunayoshi felt his body reacting in alarm.

“Would you want sugar or honey with your tea, Hibari?”

He blinked. “Just like that is fine.”

“Do you want to sit by the kotatsu?”

He shrugged and got off from the kitchen counter. Tsunayoshi took a deep breath without those eyes on him.

Yes, this Hibari was definitely more expressive than the one from the future. Did his future self know how to read him? He had entrusted him with keeping his secret, after all. He must have been better than him at knowing what Hibari wanted, what he needed. 

It felt kind of idiotic and pointless to be jealous of himself.

“Here,” he set down the cup in front of Hibari, who had made himself comfortable and draped the futon over his legs. He sat in front of him with his own mug, the warmth between his hands giving him a tether to reality. “How’s everyone at Nanimori?”

Hibari merely lifted an eyebrow. Tsunayoshi felt his cheeks heat up and sipped his tea, trying to hide his embarrassment. Right.

He cleared his throat, tried again: “What business has brought you to Tokyo, Hibari?”

Those eyes fell over him once more. Tsunayoshi concentrated on keeping his gaze steady, on breathing normally. His hands did not shake.

“I’m looking for something.”

“Oh.”

He took another sip when he noticed Hibari wasn’t going to elaborate. They sat silently for a while, the ticking of the clock on the wall the only sound in the apartment. Tsunayoshi didn’t know how to react, if he should squirm under the solid presence of the deadliest person he knew like he used to do when he was 14, or if he should try to pry more information out of him. He didn’t… like this. This in-between state.

He set his cup down. The only thing he could do was to take one step forward at a time.

“Do you have somewhere to stay during the time you’ll be here?”

Hibari blinked. “Yes.”

“Okay,” he exhaled. “That’s good, then.”

His mouth turned into a frown. “I don’t need–”

Tsunayoshi held up his hands. “I know, I know you don’t need my help,” he licked his lips, trying to voice what had been the truth since their lives had been thrown together by the will of destiny, or in this case, Reborn. Which was basically the same. “I just wanted to offer, that’s all. I know you are more than capable of handling your business on your own.”

Tsunayoshi smiled. He felt so tired. It was probably around 2 AM and he didn’t have the strength to pretend. “I would never tie you up with favours, Hibari.”

For a while, Hibari said nothing. His dark eyes never left his face.

Suddenly, he got up.

“I’m leaving.”

It was Tsunayoshi’s turn to blink. “Oh, okay.”

He accompanied him to the door, the surrealism that only the early hours of the morning could bring about making his body move on his own.

Hibari stopped by the entryway, carefully put his dress shoes back on. Tsunayoshi couldn’t help but lose himself in the broadness of his back. He didn’t have the time to understand what was happening when Hibari was already turning towards him.

“I’ll see you around, little animal.”

Tsunayoshi’s chest tightened at the old nickname. He willed his face not to blush. “Have a safe trip.”

Hibari smiled, an almost imperceptible turn of lips. Tsunayoshi’s cheeks tinged the color of the sky at sunset. Oh.

He didn’t move even after the door was closed, even after he knew Hibari most definitely had left his apartment building. He felt his heart in his ears.

Oh.

 

 

_ii._

For a while, Tsunayoshi lived in blissful ignorance. It was easier to brush off his suspicions when he didn’t interact with the source of his problems, least of all see him.

Until he had to share a hotel room with the guy.

The Ninth had steadily started to call them for missions in the last year or so. Tsunayoshi tended to end up in the diplomacy ones, which made sense even if some of them didn’t quite end in a diplomatic tone. Most commonly he would pair up with Yamamoto, or, if it involved a Famiglia with a notorious history with the Vongola, Gokudera.

His Cloud guardian, whenever he could be bothered to actually lend a hand, did only solo missions. It was well known Hibari didn’t play well with others.

But apparently in the eyes of Reborn Tsunayoshi ought to be the exception to that rule. Or at least that had been what he had been telling himself since they arrived in Rennes, because the other option was that this was yet again another one of his tutor’s “helpful experiences” to make him grow in an aspect he was laking. Tsunayoshi could only think that that aspect was immortality because of all the possible outcomes, his imminent death was the most likely.

He was supposed to have some meetings with a French family while Hibari continued his investigation about battle boxes. Technically, they wouldn’t have to interact at all.

But Tsunayoshi knew his luck. Or lack thereof.

Their first hours in France were uneventful enough, the only notable thing was Tsunayoshi’s embarrassing stutter whenever he spoke French. By the time they were checking in at least he had stopped tripping over his ‘je’s’ and his ‘c’est’.

Needles to say, they hadn’t said a word to each other since they took the plane together. It had been a long trip.

When they finally arrived to their room, Tsunayoshi was ready to change as quickly as he could so he could escape their forced company. He took the bed by the window and put his baggage in a nearby chair.

“I didn’t think you spoke French.”

Tsunayoshi turned. Hibari had his back to him, unpacking his suitcase on his bed.

“How did you think we would navigate the city, then?”

He shrugged, still without looking at him. Tsunayoshi didn’t know if he should be ticked off or simply grateful that Hibari considered him worth enough for chit-chat. Still, the words chit-chat and Hibari Kyoya didn’t seem to fit together.

“Well, it’s a requirement in my career. It’s the official language of the UN so you have to be fluent in it.”

“You clearly aren’t fluent.”

He felt his cheeks heating up. He turned back to his bed and opened his bag in a rough motion.

“I still have a couple of years until I graduate,” he inhaled deeply. “We can talk then.”

He found his suit and tie and started gathering them on his arms.

“Okay.”

Tsunayoshi looked back. This time Hibari was facing towards him.

He tilted his head to the side. “Okay?”

“Shouldn’t you be changing into your mafioso costume?”

“It’s not a costume, it’s just a suit.”

“It’s a mask.”

Tsunayoshi blinked. Hibari’s eyes didn’t leave his face and while he would normally feel flustered his mind felt oddly clear.

“I never say things I don’t mean. Not anymore.”

Hibari kept his gaze on him for a beat longer. Then he kicked off his shoes.

“Good luck, then.”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Feeling his blush coming back, he turned around.

“I’m gonna go change.” 

When he came out of the bathroom Hibari was sleeping with his hands on the back of his head. Tsunayoshi could almost picture the discipline committee’s armband on his right arm. He tiptoed around the room, only putting on his dress shoes when he was in front of the door.

When he came back, Hibari wasn’t there.

 

When he woke up, the other bed was still empty. He asked for room service (they actually had a japanese breakfast set) and ate it in the little balcony the room had. Rennes was cloudy and Tsunayoshi could smell the light drizzle on the air. Reborn had mentioned it was a city where it could start raining at any moment, no matter the season. But somehow the scenery made him relax slightly.

He had a lunch meeting, Dino had told him it would be in a fancy restaurant downtown. He took out a dark blue suit from his baggage. Right. He could look well put together. It couldn’t be that hard. Not as hard as having council meetings with Xanxus.

Right?

15 minutes later, he felt the door opening behind him.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t turn around, his eyes focused on the video playing on his tablet. He had put it by the window so it would be eye level.

“Tying a Windsor knot.”

The door closed with a soft thud. Tsunayoshi clicked his tongue when the tie wouldn’t go the way he wanted.

“For how long?”

He would not blush. “Not that long. I’m self-sufficient, you know?”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna stay here for the rest of the day? You can call room service.”

“Hn.”

When the tie looked as close as it would get to the one on the video, Tsunayoshi started packing up his things. He slipped his gloves in his back pocket. He put on his ring, the familiar weight a reassurance. He didn’t feel like himself in the expensive suit with matching dress shoes. But looking at his hands centered him. His bitted nails, calloused palms. It still was him.

“What do you have to do today?”

Tsunayoshi blinked, finally turning around. Hibari Kyoya had undid his tie and was looking at him, sitting while leaning on the bed with his arms behind his back. He had his legs crossed in front of him.

Tsunayoshi’s throat was suddenly dry.

“A lunch meeting, then I have to go to a tea parlor at 4,” he shrugged. “It should be uneventful.”

Hibari nodded. “Don’t stay until late.”

“Oh?”

“There’s something we need to do.”

Violet eyes bore into his face. Tsunayoshi licked his bottom lip.

“Okay,” he heard himself say. “Okay.”

It felt like signing a pact with the devil.

 

“That was not what I had in mind.”

He took of his shoes, which had a thick layer of mud, by the entrance.

“You could have left.”

Tsunayoshi scoffed. “You would have followed me.”

“Not if you fly.”

He took of what was left of his suit jacket. “We share a hotel room! It’s not like I can escape from you.”

Tsunayoshi shook his head, droplets of rain falling from his messy hair. When Hibari didn’t reply, he made the mistake of looking back. He was leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, a smile on his lips. But it was the shape of a threat, a bearing of his teeth. A shiver ran down his spine.

“You’re right, you can’t.”

He huffed, feeling his cheeks heating up. “You’re a sadist, Hibari.”

“You’re mistaking me for that illusionist.”

“You’re both cut from the same cloth.” He undid a few of his buttons, took a towel from the room’s closet. “Well, I hope I don’t get another request for a deathmatch in a while.”

“Sure.”

Hibari’s eyes didn’t leave him. They seemed to shine under the lamp’s light, the curve of them a softer line than usual.

Tsunayoshi sighed. “Your eyes are smiling, you are so not gonna keep your word.”

Hibari frowned. “They are?”

But he ignored him and hanged a clean shirt and a pair of shorts on his arm. “I’m gonna heat up the bath, look at the menu to see what you want for dinner, okay?”

He got into the bathroom before Hibari could say anything. He felt every muscle of his back stiff and he was pretty sure his arms would sport bruises for the next few weeks. He would have to be careful not to change in front of Gokudera or his right hand man would flip out. He didn’t need to add a possible fight between his Storm and Cloud guardians to his lists of worries. He had enough already.

Tsunayoshi took a quick shower, sighing at the feeling of warm water over his sore body. His mind wanted to relive the match from that afternoon but he shutted the memory off. If he thought about the way Hibari Kyoya looked at him when they spared, like he was the only being in the world, he would break down. But it wouldn’t leave him, the weight of his gaze on him, the way they seemed to dance a complicated choreography between life and death.

The strange pull Hibari seemed to have on him hadn’t distracted him during their battle, basically because he knew that any millisecond of hesitation would mean a broken rib or a bruised jaw. But now, with the adrenaline dropping from his being like the water trickling down his ankles, he couldn’t help but remember. The grace of his movements, the relentlessness of his attacks. The way his face came alive when he was cornered.

Electricity of another kind ignited his limbs, whispering goosebumps over his skin. This was dangerous. Hibari Kyoya was dangerous.

He got out and put on a fresh change of clothes. He didn’t bother drying off his hair, instead wrapping a towel around his neck. He left the water running.

“The bathtub is filling up. You can get in in a few minutes,” he said as he got back into the room, absentmindedly rubbing the towel against his head. A heartbeat passed and Hibari didn’t answer. He turned to look at him and noticed his eyebrows were slightly up, his lips parted. “Hibari?”

He clamped his mouth shut and cleared his throat. “I want yakiniku.”

Tsunayoshi blinked. “Do they have it on the menu?”

Hibari passed next to him, their shoulders almost brushing. “I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

The door to the bathroom closed. He frowned, going over to the nightstand where Hibari had left the menu. If they didn’t have it, what did Hibari expect? For Tsunayoshi to call every japanese restaurant in Rennes to ask if they had delivery? That sounded more like something Xanxus would do.   

They did in fact have it on the menu and Tsunayoshi briefly wondered about the reach of Dino’s influence.

By the time Hibari got out of the bath, Tsunayoshi had moved the small console table by the corner of the room to the center so it would be between both of their beds and had put the grill and the plates over it.

But any type of comment or greeting he had in mind died on his lips at the sight of him. Hibari hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt, only donning on a pair of sweatpants. Tsunayoshi choked at the lines of his collarbone, the pale skin rosy from the heat of the water. If he concentrated he could almost make up the steam coming from his body. He felt the blood rushing to his head, the way his throat clenched on his words.

“So they did have yakiniku.”

Hibari walked towards his bed, briefly turning his back on him. The way his shoulder blades moved with every step felt like a slap on his face.

“Hibari, put on a shirt!”

He merely lifted an eyebrow. “You can’t say you are embarrassed.”

Tsunayoshi pressed his lips together, hard.

“I’ve seen you naked.”

“Yeah, well, I was 14! It doesn’t count.”

Hibari shook his head but took a t-shirt out of suitcase and put it on. The way the muscles on his shoulder shifted when he lifted them were the last nail on Tsunayoshi’s coffin.

“I didn’t know you were this shy.”

He noticed a tone of amusement on his voice but Tsunayoshi firmly decided to ignore it. “I don’t usually have half naked people in front of me.”

“You fight other families all the time, people tend to end up in some level of undress whenever that happens.”

“It’s different!”, he busied himself putting the pieces of meat over the grill. “I’m not concerned about that on _those_ moments plus I am trying to have fewer… disputes.”

“Could have fooled me.”

He finally looked him in the eye. “Stop it, Hibari.”

He shrugged. They sat by the table and ate in silence for a few minutes. Tsunayoshi started to feel drowsy, his bed becoming a real temptation with each second it passed.

“You say you’re trying to fight less but it does not show, little animal,” Tsunayoshi’s head snapped up but Hibari wasn’t looking at him, his concentration turned to the sizzling of the grill instead. “You’ve never had a thirst for it, but now you enjoy it.”

Tsunayoshi swallowed. “Enjoy what?”

Hibari met his gaze. “To test yourself, to measure the strengths of your opponents. You say you don’t like conflict but you still strive to grow in that regard.”

He inhaled, squaring his shoulders. “I need to grow if I want to protect my friends.”

Hibari’s face betrayed nothing. “To keep on carrying more burdens?”

Tsunayoshi couldn’t help but smile. “Small animals have their own ways of surviving, after all.”

 

_iii._

Sawada Tsunayoshi was no gardener. Even so, he did have a fairly big assortment of plants, from cacti to bamboo shoots sitting in line by the window. He was bad at remembering when to water them and when to change their soil but he tended to them whenever he couldn’t sleep.

This was one of those nights.

Tokyo sounded far away from his apartment on the 15th floor. Tsunayoshi moved some pots, tried not to spill water over the windowsill and chased away thoughts of inheritance ceremonies and councils.

Then the doorbell rang.

He instinctively looked at the clock on the wall. It was 3 AM. Somehow, he knew who was behind the door.

He straightened his hanten, his pulse picking up with each step he took towards the front door. He swallowed. He turned on the knob.

“Good night, Hibari.”

A pair of violet eyes blinked at him. After a beat, he frowned. “That intuition of yours gives me the creeps.”

“I could say the same, what with you appearing like some sort of bad omen at my house at this kind of hour.” He moved to the side. “Please, come in.”

“At least you have better manners this time.”

Tsunayoshi ignored him. “Tea?”

Hibari nodded. He glanced around the apartment. The living room’s lights were on, a pair of books were open by the coffee table. A few cushions were hapardzedly strewn over the floor.

“It’s not like I woke you up.”

Tsunayoshi’s head popped from behind the kitchen counter. “Excuse me?”

He shrugged. “I’ll make myself comfortable.”

A soft blush colored still round cheeks. “Please do.”

He walked towards the opposite wall, noticing the potted plants by the window. Tsunayoshi joined him shortly after, setting a tray with two tea mugs and an assortment of cookies by the coffee table.

“I didn’t know you liked plants.”

“Sort of.”

He pressed his index and middle finger to the soil of the bamboo shoots. “You’re drowning this one, it shouldn’t have this much water.”

“Shoot!” He hastily walked over and took the pot, pouring the excess water over the cacti he hadn’t tended to yet.

“Why do you have them if you don’t know how to properly take care of them?”

“Yuni gave them to me,” he rolled up the sleeves of his hanten and rearranged some of the flowerpots. “And I can always learn, you know?”

Hibari said nothing. In the silence, his heartbeat seemed to resound in his ears. Tsunayoshi felt like the small distance, just noticeable to him now, was constricting his chest with whispered possibilities.

Suddenly, he ached for more nights like this. The two of them sharing the same space, the sounds of the city as a background, the strange intimacy of the early hours of the morning. Talking about trivial things. Hibari Kyoya’s eyes over him. The knowledge of mundane tidbits of his life. The privilege of monopolizing his attention.

The desire almost knocked the wind out of him.

“Hibari, why did you come?”

“My report.”

He handed him a stack of papers. The corners of some of them were bent. Tsunayoshi blinked at the neat calligraphy.

“You didn’t have to come all the way here to give me this.”

“You wanted me to mail it to you?”

“Couldn’t you have sent it with Hibird?”

Hibari narrowed his eyes. “I’m bothering you.”

“No! Sorry, that’s not it,” he started playing with the edges of the sheets. “I’m just surprised, I guess.”

Hibari took half a step back, his body turning slightly towards him. Tsunayoshi felt dizzy by the space between them. His hands itched to move, to reach out.

“You can come whenever you want, I don’t mind.”

Hibari’s eyebrows lifted and his own words echoed back in his mind, belatedly registering them. He looked down at the papers.

“But please take in mind my sleeping hours, Hibari. I do have morning classes, you know?”

When he got no answer, he turned around. “You should drink your tea before it gets cold,” he hid behind his fringe. “I don’t want to take up more of your time. You must be tired, right?”

He sat down by the coffee table and busied himself straightening the discarded books. It was only when Hibari joined him that he met his gaze again. “I don’t want to interfere with your private affairs.”

“You don’t have to be so formal,” he nibbled on a cherry blossom madeleine. “I only do what I want.”

Tsunayoshi inhaled sharply. He took a sip of his tea so his voice wouldn’t quiver. “I know.”

Hibari glanced at the clock. “I should go.”

“Right.”

He followed him towards the front door, chest tight and palms sweaty. He fisted the oversized sleeves of his hanten while waiting for Hibari to put on his shoes. Tsunayoshi opened the door for him.

“Good night, Hibari.”

He paused next to him. Tsunayoshi tried to swallow down his nerves.

“Next time, don’t offer me stuff with sakura in them.”

He tilted his head. “Uh– Okay.”

Hibari nodded and left. Tsunayoshi closed the door. He let his hands rest over the wood, until his longing ate him up and he slowly fell into himself, kneeling in front of the entrance. He took in a shaky breath. God, he wanted so much. He wanted so much from someone he knew he shouldn’t ask anything. Wouldn’t give anything. He hugged himself, a small silhouette in an apartment that suddenly felt too big for him. Too empty.

He assumed he should feel surprised of the strength of his feelings but considering who elicited them it felt fitting, somehow. After all, Hibari Kyoya only dealt in absolutes. It made sense as it made sense that he couldn’t do anything about it. And that he wouldn’t do anything about it.

It was because there was a sky that clouds could float freely.

 

_iv._

He walked out in the balcony. The evening breeze whispered over his cheeks, the slight chill waking him up. Vongola celebrations were always like this. He crossed his arms and leaned over the veranda. He let his shoulders sag.

Tsunayoshi sighed.

“Bored already?”

15 year old Tsunayoshi would have probably screamed his lungs out. But instead, he quickly turned towards the voice, almost giving himself whiplash in the process. A pair of violet eyes looked at him in amusement.

“Holy shit, Hibari! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

He put a hand over his chest as to emphasize his point. The moon was high enough in the sky that he could see the features of his Cloud guardian. His eyebrows followed the natural line of his eyes, his rosy lips were slightly upturned.

That smile.

The rhythm of Tsunayoshi’s heart didn’t slow down and he doubted it would.

“That’s unusual, hearing you curse.”

He didn’t want to notice the mirth in his voice. He didn’t want to look at how perfectly the moonlight framed his face.

“Yeah, well, don’t tell Reborn, will you?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to owe me a favor?”

Tsunayoshi tried to smile, to put lightness in his tone. “No, thank you. I take it back.”

He glanced around, cleared his throat. Forced his cheeks to keep smiling. “Well, then, I’ll leave you alone, Hibari. There’s probably another balcony where I can hide from this party, uh, somewhere.”

He turned around. He could do this, he could put distance between them.

A hand gripped his wrist.

“Sawada, stop running away.”

Hibari pulled until his body was turning towards him again. He felt winded.

“I’m not?”, panic rose in his throat like bile. “I was just– I know you are not fond of company.”

“That’s an understatement.” He didn’t let go. For a second, Tsunayoshi deliriously wondered if he was looking for his pulse point. “But you’ve been avoiding me for months.”

He swallowed, not trusting his voice. Hibari let him go, like he had found his answer in the bobbing of his Adam’s apple.

Still, he tried. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hibari huffed. He crossed his arms. “Last month, after my mission, you refused to spar with me.”

Tsunayoshi didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry at the way Hibari’s lips fell almost into a pout. “Hibari, I always refuse to spar with you.”

“Not when you’re in a good mood. And not when I’ve recently come back from a mission.”

Tsunayoshi stopped breathing, frozen to the spot. He could hear the distant sounds of the party; people laughing, a familiar melody faintly playing in the background. It felt like another world.

He had spent years looking at Hibari Kyoya, trying to understand him, deciphering his mannerisms. He had started since before he had realized his own feelings.

He hadn’t expected for Hibari to be looking back. He knew he was an open book. But still, he didn’t think Hibari would _care to look_.

“I’m not–,” he fumbled.

Hibari frowned. “You seriously thought I wouldn’t notice?”

Dread filled his limbs like lead. A cold sweat on the back of his neck made him shiver. Tsunayoshi wanted to wrap his arms over himself but stood still instead.

“Notice what?”

He shook his head. “Why do you make everything so difficult, little animal? I’m not gonna spell it out for you.” Violet eyes bore into him and Tsunayoshi wanted nothing more than to look away. Of course, he couldn't. “We both know what I’m talking about.”

He felt his face heating up, his treacherous cheeks turning red. His ears were ringing. He took a deep breath.

“I wanted to give you space,” by some miracle his voice didn’t tremble. “I know you value your independence above anything else.”

“What, you were trying to do me a favor?”

Tsunayoshi frowned, face still aflame. “It’s not like I wanted to,” he bit his lower lip. “I didn’t want to burden you.”

His frown deepened. “Burden me.”

He dropped his head and hid his face behind his hands. He felt silly. He felt humiliated. He felt like he was fifteen all over again.

“I know you don’t need anything to tie you down. You don’t want it.”

“So you know me so well you made the decision for me.”

Tsunayoshi looked up. “I didn’t make the decision! I didn’t want to make things awkward between us. So I just–”

“Ran away from me.”

“No!” Tsunayoshi shook his head. “Maybe! Possibly– yes! But why do we have to do this, Hibari?” His chin trembled. God, he was not going cry. He wasn’t a kid anymore. “Why do you need for me to say it?”

Hibari pinched the bridge of his nose. “God, why are you so dense?”

He clenched his fists, anger and embarrassment almost choking him. “There’s no need to treat me like a brat.” He gritted his teeth. “I’m sorry I avoided you. I’m sorry I messed up the little progress that we’ve made with my unnecessary feelings. Now, could you please let me leave so I can deal with this with some kind of privacy?”

Hibari took a step towards him. Tsunayoshi stood his ground, conscious more than ever of the mere centimeters that separated them. 

“Unnecessary feelings.”

Tsunayoshi wanted to punch him. At the same time, he wanted to be buried with his heartache. Because he knew that he wouldn’t let go, wouldn’t leave until Hibari Kyoya released him.

“Yes,” he dropped his gaze. “I’ve seen how you react when people try to force their way into your life. I didn’t want to be like them.” He took a deep breath. “I respect you too much for that,” he looked up, found violet eyes. The moonlight made Hibari’s hair shine blue. He was beautiful and Tsunayoshi wanted to cry. “I love you too much for that. I promise I’ll be content with staying on the margins of your life. So, please, can you let me leave?”

But Hibari said nothing. He bit his lip, his face pinching like he was in pain. Tsunayoshi felt a pang of worry despite himself. But any question he could have died on his lips when a hand cradled his cheek, almost not quite touching him.

He gasped. Hibari had leaned his forehead over his.

“I’m not letting you go.”

Hibari’s breathing fawned over his cheeks. Tsunayoshi couldn’t hear anything but the sound of his heart, stuttering in his chest. “Hibari?”

“Did it really never occur to you that I could feel the same way towards you? Your intuition is getting rusty.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that,” he responded automatically. He blinked, with the angle of his face and his bangs obscuring most of his eyes, Tsunayoshi couldn’t make up his expression. “Hibari, does that mean–?”

“Would you really had stayed silent so you wouldn’t burden me?”

“Yes.”

Hibari’s hand moved along the line of his jaw, grasping the back of his head. Tsunayoshi  wanted to melt, to become one with the space that separated them. “You are really stupid.”

“I preferred it when you called me dense.”

He cradled his head with both hands now, lifted it towards him. Hibari’s cheeks were a pale pink, his violet eyes shining. Tsunayoshi felt breathless.

“You were scared.”

It sounded like a question.

“I was terrified.”

His thumb grazed his cheek. Tsunayoshi closed his eyes. Hibari’s hands were cold but he didn’t mind. He would never mind.

“Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

He opened his eyes.

“Yes?”

“I’m not letting you go.”

Tsunayoshi smiled, his cheeks blushing again. He followed the the line of Hibari’s eyebrows, the almond shape of his eyes, the curve of his lips. His chest seemed to expand, like he was breathing for the first time.

“Okay.”

Hibari leaned forward. Tsunayoshi sighed, pliant under his hands. It was just a whisper of a touch, both of them sharing the same night air. But then Hibari tugged at his lower lip and Tsunayoshi gasped, following him. He tilted his head, gripping Hibari’s arms for support. Hibari grazed his lip with his tongue and Tsunayoshi shuddered, the world changing its axis under his feet.

He pushed forward, throwing his arms around Hibari’s neck and standing in the tip of his toes. He felt hands tracing his sides, making him shiver, and then tugging him flush against Hibari’s chest. Tsunayoshi moaned, dizzy, and bit down, earning a groan from Hibari. One of his hands held him by the waist and the other came back to cradle the back of his head and then Hibari sucked on his tongue and Tsunayoshi knew nothing more, his universe made of the feelings of lips brushing against each other, of the particular pitch of Hibari’s breathing when he kissed him. He felt tears hanging from his eyelashes.

He wanted to live in this moment forever.

Hibari pulled back, earning a soft whine from Tsunayoshi. He smirked but Tsunayoshi couldn’t muster the energy to feel self conscious, still drunk in their kiss.

“You won’t let go either, right, little animal?”

“No. Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, last weekend I re-read KHR, which brought me to dig up old works I liked of 1827 and then I was attacked by the compulsion to write this. This is my very personal take on how I imagine their relationship would grow, particularly considering Hibari is the only guardian future Tsunayoshi trusts with the Future Arc plan.
> 
> title comes from the song smother by daughter, while the lyrics dont quite relate to the fic, the overall feel of the song it's what inspired the last scene.
> 
> If you want to scream about 1827 please hit me up on my twitter @ desertandstars


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